Fresh pack of sponges just for me 🧽💅 And guess what? I’m feeling generous enough to get one extra filthy just for you lucky lot. You want it, don’t you? Not because you’re worthy but because being my trash collector is the closest you’ll ever get to serving me. Imagine being proud to own the grime I leave behind. You’re just eager to be my dirt-keeper. And I think that’s adorable 💖 Now beg like the filthy little sponge-sluts you are. Maybe I’ll pick you. Maybe. 💋

0 | 4

Dinner: acquired ✅ And yes, I will be eating it straight out of the box. Why? Because I’m an unstoppable force of nature and cutlery is a suggestion, not a rule 💁‍♀️🔥

0 | 8

One of the best things about being an adult is eating an entire box of French Fancies because no one can tell you otherwise 🧁😂

0 | 12

I did tell you lot I was getting a saveloy in for my tea! Did you think I was joking? Absolutely not! I’m going full chip butty mode as well with this delicious Turkish bread. Chips drenched in salt and vinegar, hot sausage and the campest night of the year. Eurovision prep complete and I’ll be providing live commentary whether you like it or not. Strap in freaks and geeks 🤪🤪

0 | 4

Well, my lunch date got cancelled last minute because apparently the football is more important than feeding me 🙄⚽️ Typical male behaviour. So now I’m all dressed up, starving and tragically lunchless. Anyway… Who’s going to be a very good boy and pay for the lunch I should have had? I like pasta, cocktails and being a spoilt brat 🧁🍝🍸💅🏻💋

0 | 6

“Working from home” 😂

0 | 4

😂😂😂😂😂

0 | 4

Look at the absolute state of my bathroom bin 😳😱 I just know there’s some desperate little perv out there who’d lap up its contents. So, who’s going to be the lucky one to claim this treasure trove of chaos? 🗑️💸

2 | 7

Do you really think you deserve to see the uncensored version? 👀 If red toes make your heart race and you think you're worthy of my feet… slide into my DMs and plead your case 💋💌

0 | 3

How have I managed to bash the inside of my knee? #justgirlythings 😂😂😂

2 | 3

Look at all these saves on my listings!! What are you waiting for? 🤔🤔

0 | 5

Off to be reunited with bestie for a holiday debrief (basically I’m going to tell him all the details of the outrageous shag I had from the Turkish love of my life) - who’s going to be a good boy and pay for our drinks? 🍻🍻

0 | 9

I fear this may be the sexiest I have ever looked. It’s giving Morticia Addams if she was a fiery ginge 🥵🥵

0 | 8

So I’ve been feeling under the weather for a couple of days, got home today and Googled my symptoms and it turns out I’ve got heat exhaustion. I was a silly billy and fell asleep in the sun and absolutely fucked my back up. Now I’m back in my own bed drinking lots of water and trying to keep myself at a regular temperature. Any *tips* (wink wink) on how to get over this, please *send* them my way 🥵😅

2 | 4

I have unfortunately landed back in the UK. Managed to fuck a local in my last couple of days away and now I think I might be in love with a Turkish doctor 😭 send so I can get a takeaway and drown my sorrows whilst I think about how to plan going back ASAP 🥲

0 | 5

Yes, I did get too drunk last night. Yes, you can keep dreaming because you’ll never be able to get a woman like me 😘😘

0 | 7

Hope you’re not all missing me too much 🤪 25 degrees and a pool to cool off in. The only thing to make this even better is you lot paying for my drinks 😏😏

0 | 7

Holiday nails done, can’t beat a classic Frenchie 💅🏻💅🏻 £30 reimbursement opportunity for the nail simps out there 😘

0 | 2

Coffee and King Jim to start the day ☕️☕️

0 | 9